Dear Drew,
how do you download app for ipod for texting to let you know if someone is typing back

How the hell would I know? Apple products are for hipster doofus idiots. If you think you are creative and smart, and you want an ipod...go fu*k yourself, because apple proucts suck balls. Get an Android phone...they aren't pretentious and you wont get your ass kicked when I see you. So in summary, Apple sucks, unless you wear black turtle necks and hope to be the star of your high school production of, Macbeth...in which case you are already such a gigantic pussy you won't understand what I'm saying anyway. Bitch.

Dear Drew, i lost my job, im behide on car payments ;i have 13 weeks to wait until i get my unemployment can someone help me catch up on my payments?

Hi Bertha. The answer is no...no one can help you with your payments. Except maybe Ed McMahon...but he is dead, so you are screwed. Unless you want to give me your car, and let me cruise around with it for chicks, you are screwed. Enjoy the new America. Work hard and get boned. That's the new American dream.

Dear Drew, the red in my TV shadows n bleeds real bad. Why??

Well Jeff...I think it is because you are a total moron. Have you ever thought about changing your tv settings to not show the stupid bleeding red? Maybe stop watching so many episoddes of True Blood and start watching something normal like the Housewives of Orange County and maybe you won't see so much red on your tv. Unless they all start having their period at the same time...in which case you might see even more red than you are used to. F those bitches...they suck my balls.

Dear Drew, Someday far, far off, will askdrewnow.com will be passed down to the next generation of Drew's? And also, is there such thing as askdrewnow.com baby onesies? I heard someone just had a baby and thought it'd make a great gift :)

Tam in Tampa Bay, My greatest accomplishment in my entire life is this website. Considering that I have accomplished practically everything that is humanly possibly in existence; that is quite the statement. So taking in to account the pride I have for this digital circus we call askdrewnow.com, my answer is yes; I hope to someday pass this down to my offspring. Of course we have to cross our fingers that one of them will be named Drew, otherwise the website will be pretty obsolete after my death. So assuming one of my illegitimate children come out a Drew, this site will live on forever. And if you are in the market for askdrewnow.com onesies, just check out our Official ADN Store using the T-shirt link at the right. We have everything a baby needs to poop their pants in style...poop not included.

Dear Drew, Do you love your Justin Bieber hair as much as I do?

Needle Dick in New Jersey, Yes, I do love my Justin Bieber hair. Now, I'm not 100% sure who Justin Bieber is, probably because I'm not a 10 year old girl like yourself. Not that their is anything wrong with being a 10 year old girl, it's just disturbing that being a Needle Dick like yourself coincides with that female classification. Nonetheless, I appreciate your bringing my hair style to my attention. It has inspired me to make a change; in the future please keep an eye out for my next style: The Rick Astley. I'm never gonna give you up Needle Dick...never.

Dear Drew, I read you're ticklish, so I was wondering if you have ticklish feet and, if so, do you like having them tickled?

Jos, I am actually very ticklish. Every time I see Kevin (the abnormally tall person you see on here) he always greets me with at least 15 minutes of solid tickling. It just makes us both smile! But when it comes to my feet, I will fight to the death to keep anyone from getting near those ticklish feet bastards. Feet are disgusting no matter what. No one should ever have to touch or look at anyone's feet, even their own. Feet are just gross. However, I would like to challenge anyone who sees me to go ahead and start up a good old fashioned tickle fight with me. They are just so much fun and always end up sexy. Just stay away from my feet...seriously.

Dear Drew, I'm about to graduate and don't want to have to get a real job. My plan to go to school, find a rich lady, then retire on her account has failed miserably. Any advice for a backup plan?

Golddigging Guy in Goehner, This is a problem that I take very seriously as I feel everyone deserves to find a rich lady and retire on her dime. But the sad truth is that it can be very difficult to actually accomplish such a feat. Let's be honest, it's more likely you will end up with a chubby Wal-Mart cashier than a sexy lawyer, but you can't give up hope! Continue your search as long as your bank account will allow and keep that charm flowing whenever you talk to that cute doctor as you’re being rushed to the ER. However, if it looks like your time is running out you may want to consider setting your monetary standards a little lower. For example, find a woman who is highly motivated and works hard, even if she doesn’t make much money. As long as you can alter your lifestyle to the amount of money she makes waitressing or bar tending, she will support you with her tips until you have to divorce her for bringing too many male customers home while you are at the comic book store comparing Spider Man costumes with an 8 year old. So keep an eye out for the right kind of woman first and take a look at her check book second; in the end your laziness will indeed pay off.

Dear Drew, I bought a Clay County news paper to wipe with the other day and on the front page was a headline that stated that some of Harvard will be demolished. Why wouldn't they just demolish the whole town?

Nort, The beautiful town of Harvard has many things to offer us that justify it's not being completely demolished. For example; if Harvard was demolished, where would we get all the meth we need to fuel our weekend drug binges? And if Harvard was demolished, where else would we go to get a delicious lunch and spend the next three days on the toilet with severe diarrhea if not the Black Dog Diner? So when you really look at it Harvard offers us so many important things in our lives that getting rid of it would only serve to make our lives empty and depressing. Now if you will excuse me, I have to get to Harvard to get started on that demolition right away. If I take enough meth before I start I'll probably have the entire town destroyed by lunch.

Dear Drew, You make me feel like a natural woman. Who makes YOU feel like a natural woman?

Lost in Love...land, I find that I am at my most womanly when I kick back in front of the television in my robe and slippers, sip on a refreshing Zima, and stroke my pet eel Richard until the sun comes up. It might seem a little sad, but I find it very relaxing and romantic. If you are ever in the area of the AskDrewNow.com studios and want to stop by for a magical moment, just let us know and we will make sure we have plenty of bottles of Arbor Mist on ice for you. Because in the end, it's each and every fan out there that makes us all feel like a natural woman.

Dear Drew, If a grown man shaves around his anus, when it starts to grow back, will it be pokey? Scratchy? Will it tickle?

The French Connection, I had to consult with some of my associates on this question as I have personally never taken the time to shave around my anus. I mean, what kind of man would consider doing such a feminine thing? Luckily, I did find someone who has shaved around his anus for years and I was able to sit down with him in his bathroom to get the answers to your questions. While I was shaving his coin purse he informed me that he does not feel any pokiness, scratchiness or tickling when the hair grows back around his bunghole. The only discomfort that arises from his shaving escapades is an increase in the frequency of his nards sticking to his legs during those hot, steamy summer days. Now if you will excuse me I need to go shave around my anus.

Dear Drew, I came here because my friend claims to be "related" to you. I think she's just a stalker of good site creators. She even found some old head-shots of you online or something and photo-shopped them into some of her family pictures...weird, I know. She's gone as far as to say you're her "cousin" and that you're all about her "telling her friends" about your site. All I'm saying is that if you're ever around UNK, you might want to watch out for this short girl with black (sometimes red-ish), curly (sometimes straight) hair...yikes! Okay, now for my question. What do you do about obsessed friends who swear every good site creator is their relation? And what if said friend gets all FOUR little sisters to believe them?! I mean this is kinda crazy in itself, but next thing you know she'll be saying she's also related to Tom from Myspace. Also, where did you get that shiny thing on your left ring finger? It's pretty and shiny :) You have a great site! That's all :)

Nadene from North Platte, If I were you I would be very suspicious of this friend of yours who claims to be related to me. When you get to be as poor and famous as I am you get a lot of people who try to ride your coattails straight to the bottom, so it doesn't surprise me that people are already starting to try to steal a piece of my fame. However, the fact that this friend of yours has discovered the site and has started spreading the word like herpes in a rugby locker room, she can't be all that bad. Word of mouth is our greatest asset on this site; mainly because only 3 or 4 people in the entire world have visited this page. I also appreciate the heads up about this potential stalker. If I see anyone fitting the description you gave me I will be sure to have one of my associates try to run her over with their scooter. If that doesn't work I can always just make her watch Goulash Farmer...that would send anyone running for the hills. One thing I am very concerned about is YOUR safety. If your friend is having these grand delusions of AskDrewNow.com association, you may want to distance yourself from her immediately. That or ask her for some of the acid she is obviously using on a regular basis. But thank you for your compliments and please continue to visit the site. We should have some exciting new videos for you very soon! Oh, and tell my cousin hello.

Dear Drew, Are you going to get your awesome cousins askdrewnow t-shirts for Christmas? Bahahahahaha!

Broke in Bermuda, For Christmas this year I actually hope to give most of my family their own official "video-used" props from our world famous online videos. Perhaps someone will get the lamp from the shockingly romantic scene in Lamp Love. Another relative will get their very own big screen television as seen in TV Repairman. And one very lucky family member may even get the actual hot dog that Jesus threw in that sexy police officer's face. Some people might say I am being cheap by giving gifts that are actually just used pieces of crap. But the truth is, it's just easier than having a garage sale. Free props for everyone!

Dear Drew,
I'm guessing that you guys don't earn any money making videos. What do you do for a living?

Curious in Curtis, Your assumption is correct; we actually make very little money running this website. We find that providing millions of hours of entertainment and knowledge to the world is payment enough. Unfortunately, this does leave several bills unpaid. So we do moonlight to make some extra money on the side. Garrett is a six time Star Trek trivia champion and has won over $23 in prize money over the last 12 years. Kevin spends his weekends working as a giraffe at the local zoo. He gets all the hay he can eat and brings any left over tree branches he has back to the ADN studios. And I spend my free time managing all of the money and tree branches that Garrett and Kevin make working at their jobs. I've even built a spreadsheet to keep track of it. To be honest it's less of a spreadsheet and more of a number I wrote on the back of a gum wrapper. But as long as we keep bringing in the cash from our side projects we will keep this site up and running for your pleasure!

Dear Drew, I am wondering if you have ever been prone to challenge an All-American wrestler to a match; then realize you are too much of a chicken?

Lil D in Redman, This story you pose does seem to ring a bell...but I can't quite place where I have experienced this type of "wrestling challenge avoidance." However, as I type this response one of my ribs is trying to heal from a severe fracture. While it was a hard fought match that left both participants beaten and battered, the fact that I came out victorious makes all the pain I'm in completely worthwhile. A classy champion usually grants their fallen opponent a rematch, but since I am a completely classless champion you will not receive a rematch...ever. I prefer to save you any more embarrassment or humiliation. As always, you are welcome.

Dear Drew, just a little curious, what is the appropriate ratio of Wheat Thins to Cheez Whiz for regulation hors d'oeuvres?

Frantic for Fromage in Farmcity, I don't think there is any question that the proper ratio of Cheez Whiz to Wheat Thins is somewhere around 47,000,000:1. Wheat Thins suck donkey balls but nothing can beat that oily, artificial, pasteurized process cheese food we call Cheez Whiz. Sometimes, when I'm all alone on a Friday night, I like to slather my naked body in Cheez Whiz and let a pack of neighborhood dogs lick it all off while I roll around in the grass. I know what you're thinking...that's hot. You are correct.

Dear Drew, My husband is the biggest alcoholic I know. He is always complaining that doing keg stands at a party causes him to feel like a butthole the next day. Why does his head hurt the next day? Is it because that keg beer is the devil? Or is he just a butthole by nature?

Ballerina of the Balcony, This is a question I have plenty of personal experience with. Hangovers just happen to be one of my specialties. So after some research I have discovered that, in reality, keg beer should cause less of a hangover than canned or bottled beer. I know, I am as shocked as you are. The fact is that, because most kegs are kept cold once tapped and they tend not to let air come in contact with the beer, they are more likely to stay fresh longer. The more times beer is allowed to get warm the more likely it is incur the oxidation of ethanol in to acetaldehyde, which will in turn cause your body to experience what we know as a hangover. Now, with all of the science aside, the fact of the matter is that your husband is in fact just a butthole by nature. A portly, sexy, meat-smoking butthole. So feel free to do as many keg stands as you want. Chances are you are going to have a hangover no matter where the 300 ounces of beer you consume come from. Yay!

Dear Drew, Why can't I play "My Lil' Bastard" on adultswim.com?

Pie Guy in Fat Town, We tried to partner up with Williams Street to alter their online game "My Lil' Bastard" since we had actually released our video to the public long before their game was created. But since they are wealthier and much more powerful than us, they declined our request and instead came to our studios and spread meerkat dung all over our stuff. But fear not, we are working to get back in their good graces as we speak in hopes of developing our own television series. Keep checking back here for updates! And screw "My Lil' Bastard," just wait until you see "My Lil' Slutwad."

Hello, I like Louis Vuitton or anything fashion for that matter! I was browsing the web for some new Louis Vuitton luxury items and I found this website. This is a cool site and I wanted to post a comment to let you know, great job! Thanks!

Louis Vuitton in Fashionville, Thank you so much for the compliment! We appreciate your coming around the site and enjoying what you've seen. Check back often for more videos and answers. Keep it rockin' fancy clothes man!

Dear Drew, Where did the word F*ck originate from? Also, how many words can be combined with the word f*ck to make a meaningful term? For example, "that cartoon picture of you makes you look like a constipated f*ckface."

Normal in Port Orchard, This is quite the question and I appreciate your asking it. I did some researching and found out that the word "f*ck" actually originates from what I did to your mom last night. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it literally originated last night, but it did originate when the first person (probably for revenge) actually seduced and then f*cked their enemies mom. Nowadays people don't always use this tactic for revenge, sometimes it's used just for fun. And other times, as is the case in our situation, it's just because the mom is so hot that the "f*cker" just can not help themselves. It's really a compliment to your bloodline. Now, as far as the number of words that can be combined with the word f*ck to make a meaningful term...that answer is too many to count. For example, "This cartoon picture just fist-f*cked your sister" or "Let's all get naked and donkey-f*ck all night long." So feel free to utilize this word in any fashion you deem necessary...your mom certainly used it a lot last night.

Dear Drew, Hello, you are gay.

Andrew in Analville, Thank you for your wonderful question; er....statement. This is probably the single greatest question we have ever gotten.